I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
