apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
