Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
