New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
