Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
