I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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