i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
