Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
