Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
