i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
