I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
