The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
