Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
