Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
