Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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