They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
