I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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