The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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