I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
