I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
