I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I party with great urgency now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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