i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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