I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
