Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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