yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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