I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
