at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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