Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
