He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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