Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
