Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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