Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
