I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
