im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
