i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
