Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
