Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
