I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
