Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
