The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
