Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
