On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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