Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
