i just wanna soil my oats bro
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
