When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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