I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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