OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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