Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
