The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
