You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
