If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
