his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
