I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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