Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
