if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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