If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We need to get me chipped asap
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
